Consider three scenarios:
- a man spends two days a month doing a Woman’s gardening, and fixing things around Her house. Both of them are single. he is not paid for his work. The Woman behaves as if this is Her due. The man does it because he loves the feeling of Female power.
- the same man has an office job. Instead of Scenario 1, he selects two days a month where he deems that he is working for the Woman, rather than for himself. he pays Her the wages he earns on these two days. he sits at his desk, enjoying the feeling that, right now, he is a kind of slave. he does it because he loves the feeling of Female power.
- the same man, the same Woman. They met online. She humiliates him. he pays Her, regularly, a sizeable amount of money (say, equivalent to two days’ earnings). Sometimes this is through him buying Her gifts. The man does it because he loves the feeling of Female power.
In one sense, these scenarios are directly comparable, because in all three cases the man is transferring to the Woman two days’ worth of his labour, gratis, for reasons of gender. So why are most of us more comfortable with (1) than (2), and with (2) than with (3)?
(3) is of course the classic ‘findom’ scenario. It makes some people uncomfortable because (i think) they sense that someone here is unfairly being taken advantage of. And it is apparently true that some men have been financially ruined in this way. But can we identify precisely what we feel is wrong with that? My own novels for example, which are utopian in tone (and i’ve not been contacted by anyone who thinks them dystopian, although you are a self-selecting bunch), also involve men having no financial power or resources. Doesn’t findom represent a very pure form of Gynarchy?
i don’t know anyone who would answer ‘yes’ to that (now is your chance – comment below). Is is because at the back of Our minds we suspect that the Women in the findom case may be undeserving, however unfair that presumption may in fact be? Is it because we can all think of admirable Women who don’t spend their time bleeding dry men they barely know? Is it because we suspect the Findomme’s motives are materialistic and selfish, rather than because She genuinely relishes the power of Her Femininity, as we have decided a Domme ought to?
It all begins to sound a bit like topping-from-the-bottom.